Hi there.
I've been living with depression for a long time. I'm not sure the exact date when it started, but it's been more than five years. I've been on multiple medications and seen many doctors, but things just aren't fixing themselves like I have hoped they would. I've been feeling hopeless for a while now, but every now and then I get a surge of optimism that has me up and ready to make changes. I'm having one of those right now.
Here's the problem with depression: it doesn't just affect you emotionally. There are physical, spiritual, social difficulties that come along with the emotional.
I'm in bad shape physically- I haven't gone running or exercising in a long while. I haven't gone dancing (which is something I used to enjoy doing whenever possible) in over 6 months. I'm eating terribly. As a result of this I feel terrible physically and I feel hateful about my body. It makes me ashamed of myself.
Spiritually I'm at an all-time low. I used to have so much faith and now I'm at a point where I only have a small sliver of hope that God exists. I want to believe again and I know what I need to do to fix that. It's just so hard to feel motivated.
So I figure it's time to give it my best shot at fixing these problems. I'm going to go to the doctor again. I'm going to try again, and I'm going to keep trying. And I'm going to write it all down here.
Every monday I will set new goals for the week- At least three. I will report back on how those goals went and I will reflect about my week. I'm sorry but it won't always be sunshine and rainbows here- though I'm hoping that there will be more of that the longer I try. A lot of my thoughts and feelings aren't happy, and I'm going to try to be truthful.
I'm heading back to Utah on Sunday and I figure this will be the perfect time for a new start. Here's to living optimistically!
Do itttttttt
ReplyDeleteKaitlin, I love you so much and am so proud of who you are and how you are trying your best at life! Just keep going! You are amazing even if you don't see it, we all do!
ReplyDeleteYou are awesome. Your best is good enough. Always tell yourself that the best thing about you is that you are a daughter of God. You may be skeptical about that now, and maybe even most days, and that's ok. But if that becomes your daily mantra, there may come a day that you will believe that tiny bit of wisdom. You are loved K, more than you can fathom. You are awesome exactly where you are. <3
ReplyDeleteOne more thing: I love you. I love your honesty.
ReplyDeleteCome stay with me for a couple of weeks. I eat really great! I exercise at least 3-4 times a week. I won't work you too hard! I used to feel depressed before I started doing this. Ask anyone how much better my mood has been for the last 2 years. Much better definitely. You are definitely welcome! Views of the lakes and walking on the mountains helps everyone! Love you girly! Your Aunty Suzette
ReplyDeleteSuzie Q, I love my kids, but that sounds so good! I wish I could come and take a break with you!
ReplyDeleteKaitlin, if you ever just want a break from life you can always come and visit the Whitings/Blackburns/Woods/Bishops/etc here in Nampa! We have a spare room and so do Grandma and Grandpa and maybe even Auntie J and Uncle B. Come and visit for a weekend, a month, a few months!
And you have probably heard this a million times, but I want to say it to you also.
You are an amazing daughter of God. A daughter of GOD. You are the only person who can be you. You have unique talents and experiences that no one else can bring and share. I don't know you as well as I want to. But I have a daughter who I worry about because of her self esteem. I see what a wonderful person she is. I see that she is beautiful. I see that she is wonderful. I see her potential. But how do I help HER see it? How can I help you see YOUR potential. You are a wonderful person. You are beautiful. You are talented. You have talents and abilities and experiences that are in a combination that is unique to you. There is only one YOU. And YOU are AWESOME. I hope things are looking up for you since this post. I'm a little behind in my blog reading. We love you K. Have a wonderful day/week/month!!!!