Hi there.
I've been living with depression for a long time. I'm not sure the exact date when it started, but it's been more than five years. I've been on multiple medications and seen many doctors, but things just aren't fixing themselves like I have hoped they would. I've been feeling hopeless for a while now, but every now and then I get a surge of optimism that has me up and ready to make changes. I'm having one of those right now.
Here's the problem with depression: it doesn't just affect you emotionally. There are physical, spiritual, social difficulties that come along with the emotional.
I'm in bad shape physically- I haven't gone running or exercising in a long while. I haven't gone dancing (which is something I used to enjoy doing whenever possible) in over 6 months. I'm eating terribly. As a result of this I feel terrible physically and I feel hateful about my body. It makes me ashamed of myself.
Spiritually I'm at an all-time low. I used to have so much faith and now I'm at a point where I only have a small sliver of hope that God exists. I want to believe again and I know what I need to do to fix that. It's just so hard to feel motivated.
So I figure it's time to give it my best shot at fixing these problems. I'm going to go to the doctor again. I'm going to try again, and I'm going to keep trying. And I'm going to write it all down here.
Every monday I will set new goals for the week- At least three. I will report back on how those goals went and I will reflect about my week. I'm sorry but it won't always be sunshine and rainbows here- though I'm hoping that there will be more of that the longer I try. A lot of my thoughts and feelings aren't happy, and I'm going to try to be truthful.
I'm heading back to Utah on Sunday and I figure this will be the perfect time for a new start. Here's to living optimistically!
